ME and YOU

There was a time a few years back that I enjoyed writing about the depth of faith. Oh I loved reading about the theologians back in the first few centuries as well as the ones in post reformation. I always found it rather enlightening how deep and wide they could go in the exploration of spiritual faith. I challenged myself to see if I could come up with something at least that had the perception of being written by someone that had a hidden secret that others did not have. I wanted to be known as one of the deep spiritual writers that others loved to read yet struggled to understand. I know that doesn't make much sense now.

As I spent my weeks writing I must admit I was rather impressed with some of the material that came out of my little brain,  yet there was something still missing. I finally realized one day that it wasn't the depth of my spiritual knowledge that fed me it was the depth of my belief, which for the record was a bit shallow. I was so consumed with writing that I went past what I knew to be true and escaped into the realm of fiction. It sounded good and others claimed to like it but my core belief was going nowhere but in circles.

One morning as I sit in my chair searching for the next theological journey I discovered something simple yet fascinating. With a computer screen in front of me and a keyboard before me it became clear that my words could have an impact on other people whether it be good or bad. With my mind swirling I started typing from the heart and what came out was this:

"I sit here a simple, broken, searching for something, ragpicker. I fight to understand man's search for meaning and my belief in whatever that meaning may be is going up in smoke quick. I write words that are shallow but I entwine them with entertaining stories that can make them seem deep. My mind and heart seeks the knowledge of why we were created in the likeness of a God we cannot see. I want to know more, I want to see more, I want to feel more, yet my only means of doing so seems to be with my attitude and words. I struggle to believe the words I write yet I write them in the hope that my belief will come alive. What is it I seek? Is it my own place in the world I hope to identify. If so I will no longer seek in my spiritual journey the depth of something that is so close to the surface (so close to the Cross yet so far from Christ). I will let go of my past spiritual endeavors and from this day forward I will simply be me seeking my spiritual heart."

Where are you in your faith spiritual journey? You might be on the road to no where, the highway to hell, or the smooth paved road to heaven. Or you might be on all three within the same trip. Life seems to be a highway to hell many days yet somehow we find a way to get back on smooth road. I found that it isn't the words I speak or write that brings my spiritual heart to life, it is my actions towards myself and others that warms me up. I can write or speak about how blessed I am yet not believe a word of it. I can scream out my love for life and Christ but somewhere in the recesses of my mind I struggle to believe the words I say. It is my belief in me that identifies my belief in God. I am sure some can relate to what I write as you yourself fight to find your spiritual existence and meaning in a world that at times seems out of control. Grab the lifeline of hope and let's rediscover our spiritual belief. One day at a time the dreams and hopes of a fresh new you will come rushing to the surface. It is not what you say that reflects what is truly in your heart it is what you believe and what you believe will effect what you say.

I write from the heart now. I do not always know where my fingers will take me but I write and I write. My belief is found somewhere in the words I jot down as is my hope for a brighter day.