Lonely Days

I got an email from a lady this week that asked the question, "is it possible to be lonely when you are surrounded by family and friends". That question gets straight to the core of everything I have written about the last few months. No one knows our thoughts, dreams, or our past trials the exact way we know them. No one knows our true feelings and emotions towards ourselves, people, places, or things the way we know them. When those internal emotions are vastly different than the ones we express externally what is left is a feeling of loneliness and often times hopelessness.

The time we spent in the "what if" department is usually wasted time. When we find ourselves stuck in the "what if" we are probably expecting or hoping that someone else will do something that will have a profound positive impact on our own lives. That is like throwing money in a wishing well and expecting to get rich. We cannot depend on the actions of others or simply good luck. 

Being lonely is one of the worst places to find ourselves. That is the times in life when we lay in bed and wonder why we do what we do and why can't others feel what we feel. "Can't they see we are hurting", we think to ourselves. "Why do I have to be this way, why can't I just be like everyone else. Why do I have these crazy feelings, I just want to enjoy life and love and appreciate what I have". I bet some of this sounds familiar doesn't it?

I am a firm believer that we can change just about any aspect of our lives by changing the way we view it. Just this morning I got up and made a conscience decision that I needed to change one thing that would bring balance to the rest of my life. Instead of blaming everyone and everything for my imbalance I decided to take a closer look and when I did I quickly realized it was a problem I caused and only I could resolve. The view had to change for me to take the needed action. How can you change your view? Change the influential input going into your mind and you will be amazed at what happens. Read positive books, listen to positive people, stop getting caught up in other people's drama, stop gossiping, stop being a source of drama, and for gosh sake stop complaining about your work life. Everything on this list is negative influence and the more impact it has on your life the more confused life becomes and that is a source of loneliness. You don't need others to agree to validate where you are in life. You need to move away from Negative Avenue and on to Positive Street.

Now the toughest of them all, the lost love, forbidden love, or the love that never will be. Those lonely thoughts like, "no one understands me like he or she does. I can be myself around the other man or woman. I wish I had feelings for my husband or my wife the way I have for the other person. I am so lost in love that I do not think I can keep going. If only my spouse felt about me the way he/she does". This sure makes for lonely depressed days and nights.

This type of feeling can lead to some of the most hopeless feelings you can ever experience in life. The love that got away or the love that never could be. I remember one of the saddest stories ever written to me was from a lady that was having an affair with a man that was dying from cancer. She felt that the love was so strong yet it never had the opportunity to develop due to his illness. When he died the lonely life that ensued placed her in a deep state of depression. As the years rolled by she finally recovered from the depression however the lonely feelings in her mind will be with her for life. Her true love is gone and no one else can ever replace that feeling. Whether this is reality or not doesn't matter it is how she feels today.

At least she had closure but what about those circumstances that exist in the lives of so many where closure seems so far away. This is probably the highest judgement point we will ever face and causes that lonely internal battle that few if any can ever help with. The love that simply can't be and it leaves us void of ourselves to the point we become so much less than our potential. How do we escape the loneliness that we feel in our hearts when the love of our life is somewhere besides with us?

I am going to share a link to a blog written by a mother about her gay son. This story is heartbreaking yet it goes to show the lonely battle one young man fought trying to cope with who he was. What is left is a shattered family suffering internally with emotions few understand.

Are you fighting a lonely internal battle that no one else knows about? I could make this religious but I am choosing to leave it human. The answers to this profound life situations elude me yet the acceptance of the people struggling is right before me. If we can just embrace our humanity and natural emotions I think we can change our lives in positive ways.

peace to you
Dale