A Caring Heart

I walked a mile only to realize I needed to walk one more
My load was heavy yet light compared to the burden ahead
lifting up love is a weight my heart struggles to support
where is the line that divides desire and purpose

This small poetic diddy was shared with me a few years back by a friend that has sense passed on with cancer. At the time I did not understand the depth of her words. As I look back and reflect on conversations we had and emails exchanged, the emotion in the verses above becomes crystal clear.

When Beth was first diagnosed with cancer her emotions, as to be expected, where everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. She was dating a kind gentleman and they were excited about a future together. Beth prepared as best she could for the treatment regimen ahead. Her plan was to walk the mile, get it behind her, and pave the way for a beautiful life.

What always stood out about Beth was her ability to smile and lift up others with no regard to what she faced in her on life. I will never forget when her mother died, naturally Beth was distraught, but when a friend shared a difficulty she was going through, Beth set her troubles aside to console her while working through her own sorrow. I gained amazing respect as I continuously watched her give hope to anyone in whom she came in contact.

As she neared the end of her first round of treatment, Beth had high hopes that the cancer was in remission or completely gone. When the doctor walked in, the look on his face said it all. Beth knew immediately that the load she had carried in no way compared to what was about to come her way. The doctor told her that new metastasis had been confirmed and a more aggressive protocol was now required.

As she progressed through round two, Beth tried with all her might to stay true to the person she had always been. The people close to her never saw what was going on in her mind and heart. She was deeply wounded and lonely. The battle was hers and hers alone. Her relationship with her boy friend had entered new terrain that neither were accustomed to.

His emotions shifted from lover to friend. She struggled to describe what she felt, all she desired was to lift him up. Over the months as chemicals rerouted her thought process the two drifted in a direction that neither recognized nor understood. As distance came between them, his heart needed more than she could offer. The beauty of Beth is that she knew the struggle he was going through. Beth facilitated his healing as she encouraged him to LIVE.

I can't put into words how beautiful this transforming relationship was to witness. They both had grown to love each other in new and wonderful ways. Beth had to reestablish what she could bring to any partnership as her norms kept moving and the hopes and dreams she had clung too slowly disappeared. There is just not enough space to explain how special it was to see how this woman built up the people of whom she cared the most, while her own hope was fading away.

Her desire was to live a life filled with adventure. To go and do things like all her friends. To love, explore, and make a profound difference in the world around her. Yet somehow, someway, her purpose was something far far from where she thought it would be. Her purpose was to use what energy her body could produce to lift others up to become the greatest version of themselves possible. She smiled as others ascended to the crescendo of life. What was missed in all this was Beth. Her heart laden with burdens, her loneliness dark and cool. Beth carried her load with dignity, like no one I had seen before.

My friend Beth (not real name), lost her battle with cancer several years back. I am one of the lucky ones that was able to gleam the wisdom of life that God seemed to have rained down on her. I feel so fortunate to have been a friend that she could confide her emotions too. Yes she gave so much hope to others, yes she lifted up on eagles wings everyone she could shoulder. Her life had purpose. I know she fought hard to feel love. She wanted so desperately to be able to love like everyone else. Looking back her little poem she shared with many of us, are words of hope that cannot be understood until you know the person that penned them.

This one was for you Beth, or her real initials LLT.

The wisdom in this blog, is to live a life you are proud of, you never have to hide or escape from. Lift up others when they need a push and give that nudge of hope when you feel the smile is hiding an invisible wound. God placed within us a profound ability to LOVE. That ability will atrophy if not used. Please don't waste a single ounce of energy with hatred and bitterness. Even when the norms of your life shift, LOVE will still find away.

YOUR WORDS MATTER CHOOSE THEM CAREFULLY


God bless
Dale

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