Codependency or Damaged Goods

So we are sitting there on the far side of the food court, away from people and distractions. My friend Kaitlyn had plenty on her mind. Her husband had recently lost his job due to being late from excessive drinking and their son, according to her, was out of control. Kaitlyn felt her life was going no where and her only function was to try as she may to somehow someway keep the family unit functioning.

We sat for about three hours as she unloaded the dirt that had built up inside her. In her mind absolutely nothing was going right. She couldn't fix her husband, their son was in and out of trouble, and her dreams had gone up in smoke. She was the poster girl for "the walking dead." No, not the TV show, this was real life. I bet, in some way you can relate to what she was going through.

When the conversation got interesting was when Kaitlyn said she was so pissed off at God for allowing all this to happen. She reminded me, as If I needed convincing, that she was a faithful practicing Christian, always putting her faith first. But for some reason God had hung her out to dry. Why, the hell was I chosen to be the one that everything bad happened to, she said. Me being me, I had to throw her a curve ball. I simply asked her this, "you say you are pissed off at God, well let's assume for a minute God doesn't exist, now who are you pissed off at".

Needless to say, she was about ready to blow a gasket when I made that remark. But I was serious, which she figured out rather swiftly. If there is no God, then who do you blame? At first Kaitlyn said, "but there is a God so that question is not valid". To which I remarked, "how do you know there is a God". Her mind was spinning in several directions all at the same time. It reminded me of the scene in the Exorcist when the girls head was spinning around. She was mad, sad, pissed, and confused all at the same time. 

Kaitlyn commented, that if there was no God, then I suppose the blame is on me. I certainly was implying that you shoulder all the blame, I said. My goal was to open your eyes to that which you have been blind too for so many years. Excuses will always be with us, but opportunity will not. Excuses halt our ability to live up to our potential. I wanted Kaitlyn to step outside of herself for a few minutes and see the problem from 30,000 feet. Yes, I know we can't snap our fingers and problems magically go away, however we can change our view, and develop a new perspective. 

I told Kaitlyn that during my life, I honestly struggled with the belief that there was a God. Especially in light of all the suffering we see all around us. Why would a loving God allow such things to happen. That perked her ears up. She said that she thinks about that all the time. Maybe there really wasn't  a God and we are just left her floundering as best we can. 

Now that I had her mind open I felt it was time to make a case for God, for love, and for her life. I told her of the time I was speaking to a group in Memphis and said that I struggled with Jesus' commandment to love your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. I demanded that someone show me who God was and I would love this cosmic creature I could not see. To say I had silenced the audience was an understatement. Trust me though I knew where I was taking the speech. Then I moved on to the second commandment that Jesus told the people, love your neighbor as yourself. Now that I could understand. Then the pieces of the puzzle started coming together. I realized that we were the hands and feet of God. We have to be active participants in the miracles we expect to happen. God alone will not bring you the peace and joy you need. It takes LOVE from yourself and your neighbors to activate the Holy Spirit from within and create the miracles that can put your life back on track. 

Kaitlyn listened intently at what I was saying. I reminded her that she needs time to converse with God (prayer) and time to listen to God (meditation). She also needs to establish how to love the person she sees in the mirror. Over the years she has allowed her life to be placed on the clearance rack. I reminded her that she was not a discounted damaged product. She was a child of the living God that only makes high quality goods. She stopped me and said, "okay I hear you, but my husband still has a drinking problem". As gently as I could I said "Kaitlyn you too have a codependency problem". Rather startled she said, what exactly is that. I explained in brief yet encouraged her to read about it and find local resources that she could get involved with.  Time ran out for us on that rainy day, however I do believe Kaitlyn at least walked out of the mall with a little hope. 

Fast forward 18 months. Kaitlyn's husband got into a program that helped him understand his addiction. He found local support groups that made him accountable to himself, his family, God, and others. Kaitlyn's son graduated High School, joined the Navy, and has decided to go to school to be a counselor to troubled youth. Kaitlyn is the success story in my opinion. Her local support group provided her hope and encouragement in a Christian environment. Together her family grew in a positive direction. There were many peaks and valleys along the way, but the journey was well worth it. Kaitlyn is now working with the youth at her church. 

This was one of the success stories, but believe me, there are as many sad heartbreaking stories, that never get to see the outcome this family did. I write this blog in an effort to encourage each of you to be the hands and feet of God. I say this almost every week "it is a beautiful day when we allow God to love others through us". God's love isn't something we sit back and wait for, it is already there. It is up to each of us to utilize that love in such a way that we bring hope to others as well as ourselves. Remember you are not some discounted red tag product that has little to no value. You my friend are priceless, regardless what others may tell you. Your life has more meaning than you can even grasp. It is my fervent hope that you discover the miracle that dwells in your heart and soul. Once you do please water it with the living word. Life is worth living and yes miracles do happen, the minute we decide to participate. 

God bless

Dale

PS
check out a podcast I did with my son Matt and it is inspiring
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-n6sjx-9a731c