The Edge side of faith
I have now had several conversations with the Devil and a couple with Christ. As you can imagine the discussions held some traditional answers as well as those that were created from the depths of my imagination. I have had several emails from people asking why I wrote this kind of stuff, some saying they loved the way I wrote, others asking if I believed what I wrote. Over the last week I decided to give myself permission to be totally honest with myself. In order to do that I had to remove all the years of conditioning that brought me to where I was. I also had to let go of familial ties, religious affiliations, and fear of repercussion in order to even write in total and absolute honesty.
Every time I write there is a level of honesty and intrigue that goes into it BUT there is also a level of conformity as to not offend. So, to get this started I ask myself the most basic spiritual question a Christian could ask. Do I believe in the Bible and this man Jesus it speaks of. Before I go any further I hope no one reading this will say they have never asked themselves that very question. There is not a person alive that can say they have ever seen this person Jesus which means we have to have this ingredient called faith the Bible so often speaks of.
It is not the same faith we have that the sun will surely rise in the morning. We have faith in that because it is tangible we can see it and verify it, which I suppose takes away the faith element.
In order to answer the question I took a journey through many of my writings over the years and witnessed the changes I went through as a writer. I saw my conformity years of writing to where I wrote what I was taught. It was good but it had little from the heart and soul. Then a few years back through changes in life my style took a turn and my true feelings started to come out. Still with reservation because I did not want to say anything that would make someone question their own faith and I certainly didn't want anyone thinking less of me. To write this particular blog I had to let go of all fear or it would turn out to be just another Christian writing exploring the depths but coming to the same conclusions as if by design.
I have studied the Bible for years and years. I love it's history, how it was formed, why certain books made the cut while others were left out. I enjoyed learning about all the changes the Bible has gone through over the years and how people will defend this translation over another.
Same goes with this man Jesus, in the Gospels from the translations I have read he was a man of love, forgiveness, acceptance. He was the model to which we humans could find hope. He taught us to take care of the poor, the sick, the folks in prison, to turn the other cheek, to love people that are different than we are. He taught us how to truly forgive and allow people to have life and hope again. That was a model that I could buy into.
Fast forward a few centuries and we see a transformation in the man Jesus, he was no longer a representative of love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Sure the Bible was still taught in our churches but the actions did not represent the readings. Somehow Jesus became a ruler of mankind, the king dressed in royal garb, he was heavily judgmental to the point of choosing the elect. It was as if Jesus became a business man or politician instead of a laborer of love. The model we were given simply did not stand up to the test of time. People were not being filled with more love they were being filled with more greed and bitterness. Humans were deciding, in the name of Jesus, who was and was not worthy to attain heaven.
As I dug deeper my ability to believe was being tested to the core. I wanted so desperately to believe in what the Bible taught, I wanted to believe that God truly sent his son to live and die that we may have life. That all sounds so wonderful yet so unbelievable to me as a mere human. I struggled to buy into this thing called faith. Just have faith. Well mine must be weak.
Then I thought about people that say things like, "in God's time", what the heck does that mean? Or "if it is God's will", wait a minute I thought we had the free will. I love this one, "it must have been his time", his time for what? If our lives are so scripted then we would not have needed Jesus and free will would be a joke. Please understand I am not taking this lightly, remember I gave myself permission to do what most do not have the courage to do and that is question openly their belief.
My mind raced for days and I know you do not want to know all the thoughts and notes that went into me writing this. What you want is the conclusion, do I or do I not believe. Here is my 100% honest answer. My spirituality, my faith, my heart, my mind, my going through cancer treatment preparing for death tells me that there is a God, there is a supreme lover of the universe that created us with free will with the intent of enjoying the fruits of which we have been entrusted. I believe without a doubt in love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Going deeper, do I believe God sent his son Jesus to redeem mankind. I have to admit I struggle with that core tenet of faith but it is just that faith. I do not question it to the point of disbelief. I question in an effort to belief. I love what the Bible says about Jesus, I love the model of Jesus. I love that we should be free to love. What I do not love is what we have done to Jesus over the years. I am a sinner, I have made and will make lots of mistakes in my life. I love life on my terms and I live them with love. If Jesus is truly love then I am a total believer. If Jesus is judgmental to the point he has given humans the authority to decide who spends life in eternal heaven then I am not a believer.
As for now I am going with the Jesus of love, the forgiver of sins, the sign of hope, the giver of life.
With all that being said I will open this up to being critical. I would love to hear from you.
May your day be filled with peace and love
Dale
Every time I write there is a level of honesty and intrigue that goes into it BUT there is also a level of conformity as to not offend. So, to get this started I ask myself the most basic spiritual question a Christian could ask. Do I believe in the Bible and this man Jesus it speaks of. Before I go any further I hope no one reading this will say they have never asked themselves that very question. There is not a person alive that can say they have ever seen this person Jesus which means we have to have this ingredient called faith the Bible so often speaks of.
It is not the same faith we have that the sun will surely rise in the morning. We have faith in that because it is tangible we can see it and verify it, which I suppose takes away the faith element.
In order to answer the question I took a journey through many of my writings over the years and witnessed the changes I went through as a writer. I saw my conformity years of writing to where I wrote what I was taught. It was good but it had little from the heart and soul. Then a few years back through changes in life my style took a turn and my true feelings started to come out. Still with reservation because I did not want to say anything that would make someone question their own faith and I certainly didn't want anyone thinking less of me. To write this particular blog I had to let go of all fear or it would turn out to be just another Christian writing exploring the depths but coming to the same conclusions as if by design.
I have studied the Bible for years and years. I love it's history, how it was formed, why certain books made the cut while others were left out. I enjoyed learning about all the changes the Bible has gone through over the years and how people will defend this translation over another.
Same goes with this man Jesus, in the Gospels from the translations I have read he was a man of love, forgiveness, acceptance. He was the model to which we humans could find hope. He taught us to take care of the poor, the sick, the folks in prison, to turn the other cheek, to love people that are different than we are. He taught us how to truly forgive and allow people to have life and hope again. That was a model that I could buy into.
Fast forward a few centuries and we see a transformation in the man Jesus, he was no longer a representative of love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Sure the Bible was still taught in our churches but the actions did not represent the readings. Somehow Jesus became a ruler of mankind, the king dressed in royal garb, he was heavily judgmental to the point of choosing the elect. It was as if Jesus became a business man or politician instead of a laborer of love. The model we were given simply did not stand up to the test of time. People were not being filled with more love they were being filled with more greed and bitterness. Humans were deciding, in the name of Jesus, who was and was not worthy to attain heaven.
As I dug deeper my ability to believe was being tested to the core. I wanted so desperately to believe in what the Bible taught, I wanted to believe that God truly sent his son to live and die that we may have life. That all sounds so wonderful yet so unbelievable to me as a mere human. I struggled to buy into this thing called faith. Just have faith. Well mine must be weak.
Then I thought about people that say things like, "in God's time", what the heck does that mean? Or "if it is God's will", wait a minute I thought we had the free will. I love this one, "it must have been his time", his time for what? If our lives are so scripted then we would not have needed Jesus and free will would be a joke. Please understand I am not taking this lightly, remember I gave myself permission to do what most do not have the courage to do and that is question openly their belief.
My mind raced for days and I know you do not want to know all the thoughts and notes that went into me writing this. What you want is the conclusion, do I or do I not believe. Here is my 100% honest answer. My spirituality, my faith, my heart, my mind, my going through cancer treatment preparing for death tells me that there is a God, there is a supreme lover of the universe that created us with free will with the intent of enjoying the fruits of which we have been entrusted. I believe without a doubt in love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Going deeper, do I believe God sent his son Jesus to redeem mankind. I have to admit I struggle with that core tenet of faith but it is just that faith. I do not question it to the point of disbelief. I question in an effort to belief. I love what the Bible says about Jesus, I love the model of Jesus. I love that we should be free to love. What I do not love is what we have done to Jesus over the years. I am a sinner, I have made and will make lots of mistakes in my life. I love life on my terms and I live them with love. If Jesus is truly love then I am a total believer. If Jesus is judgmental to the point he has given humans the authority to decide who spends life in eternal heaven then I am not a believer.
As for now I am going with the Jesus of love, the forgiver of sins, the sign of hope, the giver of life.
With all that being said I will open this up to being critical. I would love to hear from you.
May your day be filled with peace and love
Dale
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