Pandora's Box
I opened Pandora's Box this week, as I so often do. I posted on social media that I was writing a blog about the reasons people stopped attending church. I asked people, if they would, to share their experiences if they fit into this discussions. To say I was overwhelmed at the responses would be an understatement. Now that I have broached this topic I must deliver on my promise to blog about it.
For three years now I have been writing about faith, spirituality, and religion. I try to separate the three with the intent to unite. That may sound rather odd but the truth is that it works. Faith by definition is confidence or trust in someone, thing, or belief not based on proof. Beings that we are human we have within us certain characteristics or traits that prohibit us from having faith 100% of the time. We will always question that which we have no proof. Faith is a powerful thing and wonderful to have and hold on too. Without faith in our lives hope would not exist. Facts and truths are equally important and can help or hurt our faith. For faith to grow it must be nurtured. Faith is a delicate thing that can be easily lost. When faith is lost hopelessness enters our lives. Many people that shared their commentaries with me felt as though their faith was threatened and that for them to survive they must step back from church. This is an all too common theme that few on the inside choose to face while those on the outside embrace.
Spirituality is the process of re-formation of the personality. There are many varying definitions to the word however most conclude that it refers to our humanistic psychology of finding the existence of a higher power in our lives. This word itself is complex but it is important to note that we all have within us a spiritual being that connects us to the world in which we live and to the God who created us. We may not embrace or accept the existence of our spiritual self but it does exist. We are not human beings in search of our spiritual self, we are spiritual beings in search of our human self. Faith and spirituality or important ingredients in discovering the power within. All religions use faith as their guide but they only use spirituality when they have the means to control the belief system.
Religion also has several meanings. I will list three of them hear for our discussion. Religion is the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, it is also a particular system of faith and worship, and a pursuit of interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance, You can choose the one that holds the most meaning to you. Religion is a very important aspect of most peoples lives, which is a good thing. Even though people are leaving churches in record numbers they are doing so to find their spiritual self not to create a bitter divide. When I started writing this blog I got lots of push back from people in the church. They said that the people that left had their own agenda, biases, excuses, etc. Over the years I have discovered just the opposite. Most of the ones that have left have done so to become more involved with hope building, love building, people building endeavors. They just refused to be told how and when to love.
Faith and spirituality are free aspects of discovering who you are while giving light to the darkness. God is light and love within us. When this light is given permission to sparkle amazing things can happen. Religion is man made with God as its focus. This too is an important aspect of life yet it is also the most vulnerable. The human side of us comes forth crystal clear when it comes to religion or church life. For many it is the most comfortable safe place in our lives to worship God, have community, fellowship, serve one another, and gain hope for the trials of life. For others it has been the source of abuse, nightmares, emptiness, and hopelessness.
All this brings me back to the original topic, why are people leaving churches and organized religion. The reasons are as wide as they are deep. After three years of interviews and intense study I am not sure I can boil it down to just a few thoughts, but I will try. Church as an ideology has found itself in a time to where people are educated more than any other time in human existence. No longer can religions ascribe a truth to a statement and expect it to be believed without intense research and scrutiny. The human curiosity is at an all time high because factual information is at our finger tips. This isn't a bad thing, it just isn't something most religions have adapted too. That is one of the major disconnects between the pulpit and the pew. People desire to be fed hope, love, guidance, and acceptance, but they need it be fact based in order for their faith to grow. No longer are people going to listen to how horrible the world is or that the end is near. Those sermons have been preached for years and now that we have an enlightened society those cliches divide not unite.
If we are such a fact finding people where does that leave faith? Religion has tried for years to fill that void by creating doctrine and dogma that guides our lives. That too is not a bad thing as long as it isn't inclusive. You see many of the people that wrote to me as to why they left church described a setting that was unwelcoming and unfriendly to those that were different. I loved the words one lady wrote me. I will copy and paste her comments so as to get them correct. She wrote "Church should be the safest place for sinners, not just the righteous. It should be a place where you feel less offended and offend less due the grace of God. This being said the church IS PEOPLE - come on, it's where I I sit between and republican and a democrat and LOVE them both. Where I can sit between a liberal and a conservative and LOVE them both while all the time they are loving me back."
Many likened Church to their family which I love, however like all families things are not always peachy. To use the family as a metaphor I recall several people that shared with me the emotional abuse they endured inside the confines of their church. Just like families that hide abuse so too with churches. There are many many people that live in fear due to the threat of abuse or the actual act of abuse by family members. Those outside the family could not imagine such happenings nor would they choose to believe it. This too happens to some in church families, hence the reason many leave. Granted families aren't perfect and neither are churches. It takes work and communication to make them succeed and endure. It doesn't take committees, factions, and councils, it simply takes coming together in love. In church families and traditional families though we get so comfortable with our own life that we loose sight of what is happening all around us. Families divorce and blame each other, people leave churches and all parties point fingers. When complacency and blame find themselves at the center of family and church life the dynamic of love has been removed.
Several people shared with me their longing to feel the power of love yet it was so elusive. We are all different and I can't shout that loud enough. We cannot be corralled, confined, or bound to a set of beliefs that are said to be truths yet we must have faith to believe. Not a single person that wrote to me questioned the existence of God or Christ. They questioned with validity how the power and love of God is taught and lived. Most, if not all, of the people that wrote to me felt as though their faith and love in God grew once obstacles were removed. Those could be obstructions of the heart, wounds to the soul, or abusive emotions that struggle for resolution.
I pray the day will come when churches and people can unite in such a way that fosters that power of love that is welling up inside us. When we the people empower churches and not churches empower us the true renaissance of love will flourish. No relationship can be one sided, it takes all parties coming together with a common goal. How do we get there? Let's keep digging right now.
I think as people of God we have diluted who our creator is and that too has turned people away. Over the centuries religion has used fear to motivate people. They tell you what, how, and when to believe as well as how to act. That supposedly makes you stand out from the rest and others will want what you have. The statistics or facts say otherwise. Church attendance in America has dropped over 60% in the last 20 years. Not because of the people outside the church are bad, more so because they are good and seeking to be better through finding their spiritual self. People don't leave church to live and sin freely. Many that leave the church do so in order to get their lives back on track. We were born inherently with love, it isn't something that has to be taught but it does have to be nurtured and developed to thrive. Love is the most powerful force on earth and why we try so hard to contain it I will never know.
No one has ever told me that church is a terrible thing, matter of fact most would say church is a great thing. A struggle that many face is how churches divide us instead of unite us. Regardless what denomination you are or how you interpret the Bible we all have the same goal. I think it is safe to say that we all desire a fulfilling life on earth with the hope of an eternal heaven. But we box God in with some of the teaching that makes no logical sense. Remember we are an educated society with real facts at our disposal. A God of love would not exclude groups of people from his grace or miracles. Hence people that live in extreme poverty in underdeveloped countries. There are millions of people that die young and while they are alive live horrific lives we could not imagine. Then there are people that claim that God has made them to be a prophet (false prophets mind you) that have this secret connection and can share events to come. These actions water down religion they do not lift it up. It reduces God to some cartoon character that heaps blessings on the haves while ignoring the have nots. That is an area of contention for people that have left the church. Matter of fact it is a big one. We pray for miracles that will make our lives better, while people dying of hunger simply pray for food. Does this God we preach and proclaim shower us with more gifts so we can live fancier lives? We have lost sight of our differences and our connection to humanity. We are so focused on elevating who we are that we use others as a stepping stone. Maybe not intentionally but it is happening.
I guess I could write a book as to why people have stepped away from church. The point to this writing was to give a voice to everyone. Whether you have a church family or a spiritual family doesn't matter. What matters is how you participate, involve, and love those around you. As my friend said above, we should be able to sit between people that are different and simply love them for who they are. When love is at the core of all that we do we will see a bridge being built across the vast divide that drove people away from church. God is love and love is in the air. It doesn't take church to promote love in your heart but it does take you. I don't think I can do justice to this topic in one blog so let's keep communicating and coming together. I dream of the day we all just love and accept each other for who we are and not who others think we should be.
In closing I do want to say something. This blog was written about the reasons people leave church, I do not want you to think that I believe church is bad. I think churches are vital to our communities. I think that for the most part churches do provide that safe haven of love. My point to writing this is to share that not everyone feels the same and they too should have a voice of love. Church is about the people not the power. When the people bring their voice to the surface the love movement will make waves like never before. The world we live in is developing in wonderful amazing ways. Technology is making our world safer. So many great things are happening and those are the things that we should be promoting. We should not hate what we do not understand and we should always promote what we love not bash what we hate. Until next time, keep love at the center of all that you do.
peace and love
Dale
For three years now I have been writing about faith, spirituality, and religion. I try to separate the three with the intent to unite. That may sound rather odd but the truth is that it works. Faith by definition is confidence or trust in someone, thing, or belief not based on proof. Beings that we are human we have within us certain characteristics or traits that prohibit us from having faith 100% of the time. We will always question that which we have no proof. Faith is a powerful thing and wonderful to have and hold on too. Without faith in our lives hope would not exist. Facts and truths are equally important and can help or hurt our faith. For faith to grow it must be nurtured. Faith is a delicate thing that can be easily lost. When faith is lost hopelessness enters our lives. Many people that shared their commentaries with me felt as though their faith was threatened and that for them to survive they must step back from church. This is an all too common theme that few on the inside choose to face while those on the outside embrace.
Spirituality is the process of re-formation of the personality. There are many varying definitions to the word however most conclude that it refers to our humanistic psychology of finding the existence of a higher power in our lives. This word itself is complex but it is important to note that we all have within us a spiritual being that connects us to the world in which we live and to the God who created us. We may not embrace or accept the existence of our spiritual self but it does exist. We are not human beings in search of our spiritual self, we are spiritual beings in search of our human self. Faith and spirituality or important ingredients in discovering the power within. All religions use faith as their guide but they only use spirituality when they have the means to control the belief system.
Religion also has several meanings. I will list three of them hear for our discussion. Religion is the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, it is also a particular system of faith and worship, and a pursuit of interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance, You can choose the one that holds the most meaning to you. Religion is a very important aspect of most peoples lives, which is a good thing. Even though people are leaving churches in record numbers they are doing so to find their spiritual self not to create a bitter divide. When I started writing this blog I got lots of push back from people in the church. They said that the people that left had their own agenda, biases, excuses, etc. Over the years I have discovered just the opposite. Most of the ones that have left have done so to become more involved with hope building, love building, people building endeavors. They just refused to be told how and when to love.
Faith and spirituality are free aspects of discovering who you are while giving light to the darkness. God is light and love within us. When this light is given permission to sparkle amazing things can happen. Religion is man made with God as its focus. This too is an important aspect of life yet it is also the most vulnerable. The human side of us comes forth crystal clear when it comes to religion or church life. For many it is the most comfortable safe place in our lives to worship God, have community, fellowship, serve one another, and gain hope for the trials of life. For others it has been the source of abuse, nightmares, emptiness, and hopelessness.
All this brings me back to the original topic, why are people leaving churches and organized religion. The reasons are as wide as they are deep. After three years of interviews and intense study I am not sure I can boil it down to just a few thoughts, but I will try. Church as an ideology has found itself in a time to where people are educated more than any other time in human existence. No longer can religions ascribe a truth to a statement and expect it to be believed without intense research and scrutiny. The human curiosity is at an all time high because factual information is at our finger tips. This isn't a bad thing, it just isn't something most religions have adapted too. That is one of the major disconnects between the pulpit and the pew. People desire to be fed hope, love, guidance, and acceptance, but they need it be fact based in order for their faith to grow. No longer are people going to listen to how horrible the world is or that the end is near. Those sermons have been preached for years and now that we have an enlightened society those cliches divide not unite.
If we are such a fact finding people where does that leave faith? Religion has tried for years to fill that void by creating doctrine and dogma that guides our lives. That too is not a bad thing as long as it isn't inclusive. You see many of the people that wrote to me as to why they left church described a setting that was unwelcoming and unfriendly to those that were different. I loved the words one lady wrote me. I will copy and paste her comments so as to get them correct. She wrote "Church should be the safest place for sinners, not just the righteous. It should be a place where you feel less offended and offend less due the grace of God. This being said the church IS PEOPLE - come on, it's where I I sit between and republican and a democrat and LOVE them both. Where I can sit between a liberal and a conservative and LOVE them both while all the time they are loving me back."
Many likened Church to their family which I love, however like all families things are not always peachy. To use the family as a metaphor I recall several people that shared with me the emotional abuse they endured inside the confines of their church. Just like families that hide abuse so too with churches. There are many many people that live in fear due to the threat of abuse or the actual act of abuse by family members. Those outside the family could not imagine such happenings nor would they choose to believe it. This too happens to some in church families, hence the reason many leave. Granted families aren't perfect and neither are churches. It takes work and communication to make them succeed and endure. It doesn't take committees, factions, and councils, it simply takes coming together in love. In church families and traditional families though we get so comfortable with our own life that we loose sight of what is happening all around us. Families divorce and blame each other, people leave churches and all parties point fingers. When complacency and blame find themselves at the center of family and church life the dynamic of love has been removed.
Several people shared with me their longing to feel the power of love yet it was so elusive. We are all different and I can't shout that loud enough. We cannot be corralled, confined, or bound to a set of beliefs that are said to be truths yet we must have faith to believe. Not a single person that wrote to me questioned the existence of God or Christ. They questioned with validity how the power and love of God is taught and lived. Most, if not all, of the people that wrote to me felt as though their faith and love in God grew once obstacles were removed. Those could be obstructions of the heart, wounds to the soul, or abusive emotions that struggle for resolution.
I pray the day will come when churches and people can unite in such a way that fosters that power of love that is welling up inside us. When we the people empower churches and not churches empower us the true renaissance of love will flourish. No relationship can be one sided, it takes all parties coming together with a common goal. How do we get there? Let's keep digging right now.
I think as people of God we have diluted who our creator is and that too has turned people away. Over the centuries religion has used fear to motivate people. They tell you what, how, and when to believe as well as how to act. That supposedly makes you stand out from the rest and others will want what you have. The statistics or facts say otherwise. Church attendance in America has dropped over 60% in the last 20 years. Not because of the people outside the church are bad, more so because they are good and seeking to be better through finding their spiritual self. People don't leave church to live and sin freely. Many that leave the church do so in order to get their lives back on track. We were born inherently with love, it isn't something that has to be taught but it does have to be nurtured and developed to thrive. Love is the most powerful force on earth and why we try so hard to contain it I will never know.
No one has ever told me that church is a terrible thing, matter of fact most would say church is a great thing. A struggle that many face is how churches divide us instead of unite us. Regardless what denomination you are or how you interpret the Bible we all have the same goal. I think it is safe to say that we all desire a fulfilling life on earth with the hope of an eternal heaven. But we box God in with some of the teaching that makes no logical sense. Remember we are an educated society with real facts at our disposal. A God of love would not exclude groups of people from his grace or miracles. Hence people that live in extreme poverty in underdeveloped countries. There are millions of people that die young and while they are alive live horrific lives we could not imagine. Then there are people that claim that God has made them to be a prophet (false prophets mind you) that have this secret connection and can share events to come. These actions water down religion they do not lift it up. It reduces God to some cartoon character that heaps blessings on the haves while ignoring the have nots. That is an area of contention for people that have left the church. Matter of fact it is a big one. We pray for miracles that will make our lives better, while people dying of hunger simply pray for food. Does this God we preach and proclaim shower us with more gifts so we can live fancier lives? We have lost sight of our differences and our connection to humanity. We are so focused on elevating who we are that we use others as a stepping stone. Maybe not intentionally but it is happening.
I guess I could write a book as to why people have stepped away from church. The point to this writing was to give a voice to everyone. Whether you have a church family or a spiritual family doesn't matter. What matters is how you participate, involve, and love those around you. As my friend said above, we should be able to sit between people that are different and simply love them for who they are. When love is at the core of all that we do we will see a bridge being built across the vast divide that drove people away from church. God is love and love is in the air. It doesn't take church to promote love in your heart but it does take you. I don't think I can do justice to this topic in one blog so let's keep communicating and coming together. I dream of the day we all just love and accept each other for who we are and not who others think we should be.
In closing I do want to say something. This blog was written about the reasons people leave church, I do not want you to think that I believe church is bad. I think churches are vital to our communities. I think that for the most part churches do provide that safe haven of love. My point to writing this is to share that not everyone feels the same and they too should have a voice of love. Church is about the people not the power. When the people bring their voice to the surface the love movement will make waves like never before. The world we live in is developing in wonderful amazing ways. Technology is making our world safer. So many great things are happening and those are the things that we should be promoting. We should not hate what we do not understand and we should always promote what we love not bash what we hate. Until next time, keep love at the center of all that you do.
peace and love
Dale
Comments