SEE ME

I'll never forget the Fall of 1977, it was cooler than usual and riding my bike to school at times was downright painful due to the brisk wind and cold air. The chill outside though didn't come close to the frigid attitude I witnessed many display toward others. I was an outsider, you know, one of those kids that moved in during the course of the school year. Naturally I was the target of gossip, which was fine with me, I was accustomed to it. But, witnessing what others went through when they were viewed as social misfits was a life changing event that carries lessons even to this day. 

Her name was Angie, she was 15 and recently moved from Galesburg IL. Angie had a beautiful spirit about her yet she was clearly different than her classmates. She and I spent many days riding our bikes to and from Popeye's, which was a local arcade almost at the corner of Southern and Highland. For some odd reason we understood each other. I certainly struggled to fit and she sure as heck did. One day after school Angie suggested we just go walk. It was cool that afternoon, but I barely noticed, because I felt her anxiety. Granted we were two young teens dealing with the pressures of life and trying hard to understand why the world in which we live was so cold to so called outsiders. I remember Angie breaking the silence, she looked at me and said "does anyone SEE ME". With a lump in her throat she struggled but continued "why do I have to be different, why can't I look like everyone else, why don't the other girls include me, why can't they just see ME, my HEART". There was no denying Angie was in pain that afternoon. I was young, but I had street experience that taught me when to speak and when to shut up, this particular moment demanded that I simply listen. 

I'll never forget the feeling I had as we walked, talked, and shared that afternoon. Angie had awakened to the realization that when people view us as different we somehow become a threat to their social status or environment. As we walked I noticed she was crying, I wanted to offer comfort, but I had the strong sensation to remain quite and allow her to lead the conversation. Then it came out, the elephant in the room, if you will. Before we continue on with Angie's dialogue let me tell you a bit about her. 

Remember this is the Fall of 1977, Memphis TN. Angie's parents were a mixed couple, her mother Caucasian, her Dad African American, needless to say Angie did not look like the other kids. To make matters more difficult she wore hearing aides in both ears and her speech was difficult to understand. Angie had no money so her clothes were out of style and what most would say unkept. Regardless of her appearance, she and I clicked. I saw ANGIE, I didn't see the person everyone else saw. When she said "does anyone see ME" I could honestly say yes (or so I thought at the time). Her heart was bigger than anyone could imagine, she had so much love to give, yet no one to give it too. The cool kids barely spoke and they never included her in their social circles. I'm not looking back blaming them because they too were products of their own misguided environment. I learned early on that people are not taught to love and accept, especially when someone is cut from a different mold than they are. 

As we made the turn on to Robinhood Drive Angie stopped. There was bus bench there and she wanted to sit down. She turned toward me and started sharing with me something so profound I couldn't hardly believe it. I am going to try my best to use her exact words as best I could remember. She said "Dale, you are the only friend I have in the world. No one SEES ME, no one HEARS ME, no one CARES ABOUT ME, but for some reason you seem to. Dale, I have to share something with you and if our friendship ends here I will be heartbroken but at least I can say I was honest and you saw the REAL ME. I am not who you think I am, Dale, I am girl living a boys body". 

I witnessed two things at that very moment. I saw her totally break down in tears as though she had just lost her closest loved one and I also saw a sense of relief in that she no longer had to hide behind the family secret. All I knew to do was hug her (him) and let her know our friendship was stronger than ever. Naturally she felt the need to explain a little further and I admit I was hoping she would. 

She continued, "when I was 13 I couldn't hardly deal with the social abuse of being a poor kid from a mixed family that couldn't hear good or speak good. I was always made fun of everywhere I went. No one ever wanted to play with me, be with me, or even talk to me, I didn't exist other than to be someone else's joke. I was always a feminine boy so I was never asked to play sports with the others. When we moved to Memphis I desperately wanted to kill myself because death had to be better than life. Then one morning I found the courage to share something with my parents. I told them I thought my body was mixed up. Thank goodness they were not the normal run of the mill family and they listened and HEARD what I was saying. I told them I honestly felt like I was a girl leaving in a boy's body. My Dad was the first to speak. He was crying and he jumped up and held me tight and said YES honey I have always felt that about you too but didn't know how to approach it. My mother was the same, she was so comforting and understanding. When I enrolled in school in Memphis I signed up as a girl and have basically played the part every sense."

I wish I knew how the story developed from there but shortly after that we moved away and I lost contact with her forever. My hope is that she grew into herself and others begin to see her as she was NOT as who they thought she should be. My heart says this story has a happy ending and who knows someday I may get that answer. The moral of the story or the take away if you will is this, never place people in boxes that fit your own prejudice beliefs. See people as THEY ARE not as YOU WANT THEM TO BE. She begged for people to "SEE ME" yet no one could or would. Life isn't about everyone being the same, life is about love and appreciating all of our differences. Let's be our own snowflake and together make the world a better place to be. Just imagine how amazing life could truly be if we facilitated an atmosphere to where others could truly sparkle and glow. We all share in this wonderful creation and in my simple opinion when we join hands with love in our hearts the possibilities for humanity are endless. 

God bless

Dale